"You matter to me."
The good news was I was offered an interview. I was excited, I was nervous, and I was not used to crowds in the large city downtown area. I can handle crowds- but I do much better when hubby is with me to guide me through. (Because he's tall and a good driver).
I guess I've become- or always have been a girl that's never in the center of things. I grew up in a bedroom community of the Twin Cities. Close enough to enjoy the entertainment and fun, but far enough where I didn't have to deal with people all the time.
The interview went well, I thought. The tour was amazing of this organization and the collaboration that happens there everyday. Every corner I turned I saw rows and rows of Macs- I thought I had died and gone to heaven (sorry all you Mac haters- I learned my design skills on a Mac and since then I've always had one). The skills test was brain draining. I felt like mush. To top it off on the way up there the 'check engine' light came on in the dashboard of my car. Called hubby. What's that mean? 'Uh, it means 'check the engine'? How's your fluid levels?'
Okay. I can't check it now, going to my interview. Fast forward to after the interview and skills test- I got out of downtown and got to a gas station- checked the levels of oil, and other fluids- yes, I know where to look- fluids looked okay- within normal ranges, anyway.
Called hubby again.
He said go to an AutoZone.
Siri - 'Nearest AutoZone'
Back the other direction. Okay. I can do this. I think I can. I totally felt inept to handle my first 'big girl' job. The job that not only pays you money, but benefits as well.
AutoZone guy plugged the computer into my car and said its an 'oxygen sensor'. Good to know. My car has one of those? (Two, actually) But, safe to drive back home? Yes. Okay.
Did I mention the borrowed from the library Harry Potter CD got stuck in my car CD player on the way there as well? (It's still In there. I'm waiting for hubby to have time to get it out.)
Oh, what a day!
I was emotionally drained and tired and I needed and wanted to get home to my kids.
Fast forward a week. I get a phone call from the company I interviewed at. They wanted to offer me the job. Oh- did I say I found out it was a night shift position in the interview? My jaw was on the floor. They start all their employees out like that.
If they had just found me 10 years ago. I would have done it.
Someone asked me what was the pay they were offering you? I said I didn't ask. I didn't want to live with the guilt of not having that extra income. Being debt free in a few years wouldn't be worth it if my daughter didn't know who I am when I walk in the door late at night. I did that before when my son was about the same age.
As I was telling someone this story, my son (age 7) was listening and said: "Mom, you matter to me."
I feel like I'm always yelling at him or 'bossing' him around as he puts it. Just trying to be your parent, kid, trying to teach you responsibility. At least a little bit. Trying to teach you to listen to your mother, and a little respect along the way.
I matter to him. I'm the one responsible for dropping him off at school and picking him up each day. I'm the one who gets him signed up for activities like: 4-H Clover Kids and our local children's theater program.
I'm the one who tells him to stop picking on his sister, to leave her alone, put her down, stop bugging her! 1,000 times a day.
I matter to him.
If I wasn't there to do those things, Who would? Is that fair to that person, who might be busy with their own job and their own life?
What would happen to my little girl if I had to sleep all day so I could work at night? Daycare. She would only see me a few hours a day. Is that fair to her? Is that fair to my mother's heart?
Have I made the right choice? Yes, I believe I have. Family over career. I've done this many times.
But what's important in life? Fame? recognition? Money? Being financial stable?
Or family? Friends? A community that knows who you are? Showing God love to others. Being in the place God put you, for such a time as this.
“And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?”
Esther 4:14b AMP